Old homes: Where an era ends

The tale of parents whose children are unwilling to support them in their twilight years

By Hawwa Fazal, Yamna Masood, Zaimal Mastikhan, Moiz Chaudary & Sajjad Gul

KARACHI: An old man quietly prays in a corner, and observes his surroundings intermittently. Khan Sahib as he is called was admitted to Gill’s Shelter Old Age Home by his boss for whom he served as a security guard.

“Never leave your parents alone at this stage of life, they need you the most now” said Ashfaq Mehmood. He has been living in the shelter for the last six years. | Photo: Zaimal Mastikhan

As soon as you enter Gill’s, you see unlit rooms and faces full of wrinkles with impenetrable eyes - faces that light up with excitement to see a visitor. “These old men and women are cared for by our facilities," says Saleem Gill, the manager and owner of ‘Gill’s Old House’.

As the world progresses, there have been changes in the way people live. Talking about the change in social trends, the biggest change is in lifestyle. For Pakistanis, leaving an aged member family at a shelter is accompanied by feelings of guilt. Yet, it is becoming common.

“When I started this old house ten years back, nobody knew what it meant; over the years we’ve had more and more people coming in,” Gill said as he gave a tour of the four-room dwelling where twelve men and women reside. Each old resident has a different story and has had a different life, yet they all ended up under one roof.

“They took care of me till my sister was alive and I lived with them” says Razia, who loves taking care of herself as she looks in the mirror. She has been living here for the past 3 years after her sister’s children dropped her here. Although, they financially support her but fail to visit her as informed by the manager | Photo by Yamna Masood

Dementia: A decline in mental abilities which are severe enough to disrupt daily life.

Paralysis: Loss in muscle function of the body which can be partial or complete.

Alzheimer's disease causes a progressive loss of brain cells that leads to memory loss and the decline of other thinking skills.

Often children are unable to care for their parents as obligations and circumstances do not allow them to do so. “I tried to convince my father to move with me to London where I could care for him but he refused to leave the sanctuary, his home, where he has lived for years,” says Faisal Rasheed. He lives in London while his father is in Karachi. He visits every few months and has hired help from a local nursing agency to care for his father.

“I lived with them and they took care of me till my sister was alive,” said Razia, who loves taking care of herself as she looks in the mirror. She has been living here for the past 3 years after her sister’s children dropped her at the old age house. | Photo: Yamna Masood

A society that cherished joint family system is now moving towards a nuclear family system. Pakistan is a country which has a large proportion of youth population, including a four per cent population which isthe senior citizens. This number is expected to grow to seven per cent by 2050, according to United Nations (UN) projections. The care of senior citizens is something emphasize upon in the Pakistani traditional value system, and it is strongly recommended even in the teachings of our religion. But times are changing.

“I miss her every day; she gave me beautiful children and was by my side in every step of our lives” says Amir as he recalls his wife who died 18 years back. He suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. | Photo: Zaimal Mastikhan

Presently, Pakistan has laws for senior citizens in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KP) (Senior Citizens Act in 2014), Balochistan (Senior Citizens Act in 2017) and Sindh (Sindh Senior Citizen Welfare Act, 2016). These laws envision model shelter homes designed following international standards, incorporating residents’ safety and protocols or abuse incident management procedures. However, the laws were passed a few years back but the implementation seems to be still in the pipeline.

Most old homes are built with empathy; the workers volunteering are passionate. Perwaiz Amanat, who was a physiotherapist by profession, built Anmol Zindagi. It started to help women whose children were too busy to care for them. Over the years, it has grown and today it hosts six women and 23 men. Although they are well facilitated, the pain of abandonment is evident on their faces.

“They don’t care for us here too. They just show care, but often fail to give us medicines,” shared Morris who has been in the facility for more than ten years. His children left him there as he became addicted to drugs. Gill’s is both a rehab and a shelter for Morris. | Photo: Hawwa Fazal

“Caring for aged parents is difficult yet very rewarding in terms of internal satisfaction. My father had dementia for two years. Memory loss is part of it. It was tough; we had to force his medicine down his throat. But I feel if this was the cost of having him close to us then I would continuously do it again and again,” says Farooq Fazal. “It is something nobody should hesitate to perform, no matter how much support is required.” Farooq’s mother lived with him after his father passed away four years back.

“I came here because my living at my son-in-law’s house became too difficult for my daughter to handle. Her husband was not willing to sacrifice his privacy for me and created undue tension for her. She was unwilling to part ways with me but could not help it and I had to leave,” says Razzaq. He has been living here for one year and chatters happily with others about his grandchildren.| Photo: Hawwa Fazal

“It isn’t about the care, it’s just that I miss them,” says Abdur Rehman, a 72-years-old who has spent each day of the last two years hoping that one day his children would come back and take him home. | Photo: Yamna Masood

“I worked hard all my life sacrificed a lot of times just so my child could have all that he wished for. But who knew he would leave me here when this is the only time I would need him” says Shakoor, a 68 year old man who has lived his life sewing other people’s clothes and with the same money made his son an engineer.

“My son left me here because he had to go to another country for work” says Shazia. She has been in the facility for around 6 months and her sends money for her from time to time. | Photo by Yamna Masood

With the increasing economic pressure on youth, and the crushing joint family system, the taboo of old age homes requires to be tackled. The increasing trend of the senior citizens being moved into old homes requires introspection; there is a need to have a state-sponsored old age homes policy, as this will become essential with the demands of modern urban life.